Why must the United States government come up with the most convoluted ways of wasting our taxpayer dollars? They always seem to risk our welfare with a Hail Mary play when a simple hand-off would do the job.
When the Big Three Automakers found themselves in trouble and wanted $15 billion, an idea immediately sprang to my mind that would have solved the problem simply, elegantly, and effectively. It would not have increased taxes for Americans one penny. In fact, I could have made money for the government. And I would have helped the environment, too, and saved a lot of jobs. Let me explain.
First, the U.S. loans me $15 billion. I agree to pay it back with 10% simple interest return.
Second, I buy 600,000 hybrid vehicles from GM, Chrysler, and Ford, at $25,000 per vehicle. I will even buy through a wide swath of U.S. dealers, so the dealers get their cut. The U.S. Government provides that no taxes will be owed on these vehicles, since they will be making 10% interest. First benefit: This means that the UAW, auto company execs, and dealers actually have to work for the money, which is what they should do in order to get any money and stay employed.
Third, I start a nationwide lottery. I will only sell 180 million tickets, or 300 tickets per vehicle, at $100 per ticket. Granted, that is a lot of tickets at a high price, but every ticket will have a 1/300 chance of winning an automobile; that’s pretty good odds. There would be no limit on the number of tickets a person could buy, and every ticket would provide a chance at any car, but an individual could not win more than one car. Second benefit: purchase of the tickets, unlike a tax, is completely voluntary, meaning that no one is required to support this program.

Fourth, the revenue from the tickets, if all sold, would be $18 billion. I could use about half a billion dollars to pay a raft of employees to administer this lottery. I could pay 5,000 people $80,000, leaving enough for overhead that would filter out into the economy through other purchases. Third benefit: lucrative employment for lots of Americans and lots of money moving through the economy.
Fifth, I would repay the U.S. government $16.5 billion. Fourth benefit: Instead of adding to the national debt, this would create a profit for the government.
Sixth, the winners of the 600,000 hybrid vehicles would replace 600,000 of their older gas vehicles. Fifth benefit: for those enviro-nuts, this would mean a much more rapid deployment of hybrid vehicles into our country than would happen if we waited for Americans to do it on their own.
Seventh, I would pocket a cool $1 billion for being smarter, more effective and less wasteful than the entire United States Congress. That’s not a big accomplishment, I know, but it also achieves the Sixth benefit: the taxpayers would be happy that their government did not rip them off again, and therefore they would be less inclined to can their Congressmen and Senators. More jobs saved!
In fact, this is such a good proposal I think I’ll send it to my congressman. I could use a billion dollars.

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Well, isn’t it a relief that everyone has now woken up to the fact that our irresponsible government is being . . . irresponsible. Our lovely Uncle Sam, that freeloading sponge of a relative absconded with our national credit card and gave $700 billion to failed banks that loaned money to people whom anyone with sense would not have loaned a dime in order for them to purchase properties for which anyone with sense would not have paid that much. (Okay, it is a little more complicated than that . . . but that’s the bottom line, isn’t it?)

That bit of legislative mischief was rammed through like lightning, when all of us taxpayers were still reeling from the fact that our retirement funds suddenly took on the appearance of a Christmas club account. In our shock, few Americans were able to completely digest the full idiocy of the government’s assurances that such a step was “necessary” to shore up our ailing economy.

With this track record, it is no wonder the heads of GM, Ford, and Chrysler decided to try their luck at bellying up to the public trough. In round one, the Big Three came to Congress with their expectant hats out, asking for a measly $25 billion. Of course, we might ask: why come to Congress? Just borrow some money from AIG and Citibank! However, round one did not go their way, so they have now jumped into the ring for round two. This time, apparently, they are actually presenting a plan to Congress for what they are going to do with the money—what a concept!

But of course, the cat is out of the bag now. America has thrown a handful of cold water on its face and slapped itself on the cheek a few times and wants some answers. So those same Senators and Congressmen who handed out our children’s soon-to-be hard-earned cash to a slew of failed banks with nary a second thought are now behaving as though they are incensed . . . outraged . . . shocked . . . that these irresponsible companies have been . . . irresponsible. Amazingly, Congress has suddenly become very tightfisted with our money.

I can’t help but marvel at the irony of the whole situation: who is Congress to get uppity and holier-than-though about fiscal irresponsibility, lack of prudence, and squandering of revenues? If ever there was a group that has no call to throw stones, it is Congress! In fact, Congress should be enormously flattered. After all, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and the Big Three simply emulated their model: spend more than you bring in, and hope the future takes care of itself! The only problem is that automobile manufacturers must unfortunately depend upon the market for cars to support their companies. Unlike Congress, they don’t have an endless stream of hapless taxpayers being forced to support their lavish habits. At least, not yet.

But there is even irony upon irony, because a good number of these same spend-happy Congressmen and Congresswomen have shamelessly pandered to the autoworker’s union, the UAW, in an effort to harvest their votes and volunteerism. All this time, these legislators have sided with the UAW, supporting through legislation the means by which the union could hold the Big Three management over the barrel, forcing them to meet every demand or face the closing of their factories. “Never mind that there is foreign competition!” “Never mind that sales are down!” “Give us what we want!” And they did: to the tune of over $70 as average hourly compensation. Nice work, if you can get it. To put this in perspective, Toyota’s U.S. workers have an average compensation just over $40 per hour. But Congress not only cheered on the UAW, they aided and abetted them; it was a mutual palm-greasing relationship. It’s no mystery why the Big Three needs Congress to bail them out: these congressmen and congresswomen would not be where they are today without the whole machine in motion. They OWE them.

So the spectacle of our Congress demanding accountability and prudence is frankly sending me into fits– as they say in the text-world, ROFLMAO. Exactly what leg is Congress standing on? What shred of integrity or honor can these legislators draw upon? It is not that I am in favor of an auto industry bailout, mind you, I just want to know: what is the overriding guiding principle that inspires our esteemed Congressmembers? I mean, other than, “Oh, crap, guys. America’s paying attention. I think the jig may be up.”

I anticipate that there would be a tremendous and negative effect on the American economy overall if the Big Three actually go under, and it is certainly not a spectacle I relish witnessing. But as bad as things may get, I cannot help but feel a certain satisfaction that the UAW and the executives who run these U.S. automakers may finally be getting a lesson in basic market economics. Unlike the stockholders who actually owned these companies, the fortunes of these employees did not rise and fall on the performance of the company. No, following the socialist model, they simply united in the mistaken belief that it is possible to establish the value of labor without regard to whether they could sell the cars they were building at a price that would support it.

I truly feel sorry for those who are facing layoffs and unemployment, but had these companies shown the slightest inclination to work within the limits of what the market was dictating, autoworkers and the companies that have paid their extortionate demands would not now be facing a dire future. And now, rather than face the reality they created, they want to cement their erroneous beliefs by having the U.S. taxpayer bail them out—essentially, forcing us all to further subsidize the cost of the cars simply to meet their compensation demands. That, America, is a brand of socialism we must not tolerate. No, it is high time that everyone at the Big Three ran smack dab into reality.

My only regret is that we cannot similarly force Congress to file Chapter 11. After selling out our future to their prep-school pals on Wall Street, they should be hanging their heads in shame, not puffing themselves up and acting as though they are miserly guardians of our well-being. If we really wanted a just world, nearly every member of Congress for the last 30 years would be facing the same fate confronting so many other Americans today: unemployment. How much do we plan to put up with, America?

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