How I Would Have Single-Handedly Bailed Out the Auto Industry Without Adding a Dime to the National Debt

Why must the United States government come up with the most convoluted ways of wasting our taxpayer dollars? They always seem to risk our welfare with a Hail Mary play when a simple hand-off would do the job.
When the Big Three Automakers found themselves in trouble and wanted $15 billion, an idea immediately sprang to my mind that would have solved the problem simply, elegantly, and effectively. It would not have increased taxes for Americans one penny. In fact, I could have made money for the government. And I would have helped the environment, too, and saved a lot of jobs. Let me explain.
First, the U.S. loans me $15 billion. I agree to pay it back with 10% simple interest return.
Second, I buy 600,000 hybrid vehicles from GM, Chrysler, and Ford, at $25,000 per vehicle. I will even buy through a wide swath of U.S. dealers, so the dealers get their cut. The U.S. Government provides that no taxes will be owed on these vehicles, since they will be making 10% interest. First benefit: This means that the UAW, auto company execs, and dealers actually have to work for the money, which is what they should do in order to get any money and stay employed.
Third, I start a nationwide lottery. I will only sell 180 million tickets, or 300 tickets per vehicle, at $100 per ticket. Granted, that is a lot of tickets at a high price, but every ticket will have a 1/300 chance of winning an automobile; that’s pretty good odds. There would be no limit on the number of tickets a person could buy, and every ticket would provide a chance at any car, but an individual could not win more than one car. Second benefit: purchase of the tickets, unlike a tax, is completely voluntary, meaning that no one is required to support this program.

Fourth, the revenue from the tickets, if all sold, would be $18 billion. I could use about half a billion dollars to pay a raft of employees to administer this lottery. I could pay 5,000 people $80,000, leaving enough for overhead that would filter out into the economy through other purchases. Third benefit: lucrative employment for lots of Americans and lots of money moving through the economy.
Fifth, I would repay the U.S. government $16.5 billion. Fourth benefit: Instead of adding to the national debt, this would create a profit for the government.
Sixth, the winners of the 600,000 hybrid vehicles would replace 600,000 of their older gas vehicles. Fifth benefit: for those enviro-nuts, this would mean a much more rapid deployment of hybrid vehicles into our country than would happen if we waited for Americans to do it on their own.
Seventh, I would pocket a cool $1 billion for being smarter, more effective and less wasteful than the entire United States Congress. That’s not a big accomplishment, I know, but it also achieves the Sixth benefit: the taxpayers would be happy that their government did not rip them off again, and therefore they would be less inclined to can their Congressmen and Senators. More jobs saved!
In fact, this is such a good proposal I think I’ll send it to my congressman. I could use a billion dollars.

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