Any Mom Who Actually Cares About Her Family’s Health Should Not Need This Book

For some reason, I receive Parenting Magazine. I have never subscribed to it. I know that for a fact—this is not some, “Gee, I subscribe to so many, I don’t remember” things. The reason I know is that I have only ever subscribed to two magazines in the last 10 years. Who has time to read magazines? Besides, the two I do subscribe to I only subscribe to because they were ridiculously cheap offers, and I was hoping to find a few recipes in them. That’s all I want. If a year’s subscription nets me at least five recipes that the family likes and that I know will be keepers, I feel the whole effort has been worth it. Believe me, finding a recipe for a meal that the whole family will eat—with six individuals ages 50 down to 1 year—is a major accomplishment.

But getting back to this magazine: the problem is that I feel like I have to at least give each issue a quick perusal before I toss it out. Now, to be fair, there are some useful things in Parenting magazine. But for some reason, the whole tone of the magazine sticks in my craw. I’m not sure what it is, exactly, but I think it is the assumptions the magazine makes about the parents who may be reading it. There’s this whole presumption that you’re, well . . . kind of an idiot. It is amazing how many things in the magazine are things that should not have to be said to a parent if that parent has any sense. I don’t mean everything, of course; but overall the editorial perspective seems to assume things about the modern American household that are entirely foreign to our own modern American household. I suppose that is why the people who read Parenting magazine are having all the problems that Parenting magazine talks about: they need someone to save them from their own foolishness.

Well, over Christmas I was doing a run-through of the back-issues stacked up here, and I came across an article from the October issue that just cements the whole problem for me. It is an article about a book called “Eat This, Not That,” and the book is billed as a guide for kids. Across the top of the book is a bright yellow banner stating “Be the Leanest, Fittest Family on the Block!” Sounds okay so far, right? Only the book is not a guide to teach kids about basic nutrition, or about which foods you can eat to address specific health issues or concerns. Instead, it is a book about which menu items are better choices at fast food franchises and chain restaurants, and which pre-packaged processed foods are better for you. No . . . I’m not kidding.

According to the article, the book has all sorts of fascinating tidbits that would surprise moms, like the fact that a greasy Arby’s Melt with some sort of concoction labeled “cheese sauce” is, despite artificial colorings and chemical preservatives, a better choice than a less-greasy and seemingly more healthful Arby’s Roasted Turkey and Swiss Sandwich, which has more calories, more fat, and more sodium. It explains how Spaghetti-Os are better than Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. To be fair, I have never read the book. I have only read a four page article about the book. But believe me, that is enough.

The article actually states, and I quote: “It is not the culture that is endangering our children’s health. It’s the food.” Huh, what? I thought food was part of our culture. But my take is: it is not the food that is endangering our children’s health, it is the parents, if they are the ones feeding their children this glop.

Now my husband and I, like many urban parents these days, sometimes find our family having to eat on the go. Sure, there is the occasional fast-food hamburger or taco. But the key word is “occasional.” We’re talking, oh, maybe . . . once a month? And as for eating out rather than cooking at home: are you kidding? If there is anyone in America who believes you can be truly healthy eating chain restaurant food, or who would want to feed canned and boxed processed meals to their children on a regular basis in the belief that they are providing healthy fare, they are simply being willfully ignorant.

Now, the book may be an interesting catalog of information on its own, especially when it comes to outing misconceptions about fast food. After all, it surely is curious to note that an order of Taco Bell’s deep-fried chicken grilled taquitos is less fattening than a chicken quesadilla. And it might be handy to have around to show your teenage daughter how awful that cheeseburger really is, or to sit together leafing through the book to say “eeeyeeww” at how amazingly atrocious most fast food and processed food is. But, the magazine article and book do not cast themselves as a compendium of strange and disgusting facts; instead, they seem to regard the book as a serious reference tool.

The bottom line is this: if you are eating fast food or processed food so much that the recommendations in this book are actually going to make a difference in your diet, you are probably already in big blood-congealing, heart-stopping trouble. I cannot imagine for the life of me that anyone who cares about health would actually use the book as a menu guide. If you care enough about your family’s diet to buy the book, it seems to me the only sensible thing to do is read it through once, then decide ever after to avoid all chain restaurants, and consign all your processed foods to the garbage can, never to be bought or consumed again. This book is like telling you that cyanide is more painless than strychnine.

And, heaven forbid, if the meals discussed in the book really do make up your regular family fare, for goodness’ sake, you are probably better off not knowing what you are putting in your body. For those who truly want to eat healthily, but don’t have a clue what you ought to be feeding your children, don’t buy the book. Here, I’ll give you some advice for free that is tremendously more healthful than the book, and it will only take about eight seconds of your time: cut out all sodas, all foods and drinks with added sugar of any form, cut out processed foods, and stop eating at restaurants, then replace them with home-made meals made from fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, whole natural grains, and natural meats. Add a bit of TLC, and you will save yourself a lot of time, money, doctor’s bills, and fat farm visits.

As I said above, almost every family and every individual, even those who are generally health conscious, probably indulge in the occasional fast food meal now and then. But it seems to me that it is a sort of guilty pleasure, and one you usually regret within about two hours, anyway. And while I can appreciate the novelty of finding out that that I would be better off ordering a chicken sandwich than a Caesar salad: what fun is that? If I can’t enjoy the indulgence of eating something I just have a craving for, however unhealthy it is, then there’s no point to the exercise. Just give me my double-double animal style fix every couple of months, and I’m good.

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